Wednesday, February 15, 2012

SURVIVOR: One World - Premiere!

It's a new season and finally a new setup! Gone is Redemption Island, and gone are the returning cast members looking for a little more time in the spotlight. Finally!

Let's get started.

When the castaways emerge from the truck bringing them to the island, we're quickly introduced to "Tarzan" and "Troyzan" (who wants to be the new Coach, btw), but we don't meet all of the castaways until Jeff announces how the tribes are split: men vs. women.

There's the typical "boys rule, girls drool!" banter back and forth between the tribes, but Jeff squelches that nonsense when he instructs the tribes to take as many supplies from the truck as they can.

The women end up with coconuts and bananas, and the men end up with everything else, thanks to island robber Michael stealing it from the women's pile.

So off they go to their camp. Men one way, women the other until... What is this? The men's and women's camps are the same! They're the same camp! The same. Camp! Salani and Manono in one place. I keep repeating because none of the survivors seemed to understand the concept.

But there's no time for understanding when there's wild chickens to be caught! After noticing a few chickens running around like their heads are cut off (but they aren't... yet), the men and women decide that they'll split the chickens 50/50, but one of the women catches them first and decides that, "Ya, prob not gonna give up the chicken to ya sorreeezzz."

Well, by golly, the chicken line has been drawn.

So the tribes get to work on their shelter, and Colton (or Country Club Colton as the women dubbed him), immediately strikes up a friendship with the ladies and flat out asks them to give him the clue to the Hidden Immunity Idol, should they find it. Alright then.

Well, you can see how basically this season is gonna be out of control crazy with alliances, fake alliances, backstabbing, and cross-alliance broohaha.

The men get their fire going first and the ladies come a' running. The women want to trade a chicken for fire, they want to steal the fire, and then eventually they offer to take off their pants for the fire. None of the offers are taken.

The girls don't want the fire for its practical uses. Instead, some of them say they just want the camp fire "setting," an "ambiance" if you will (well one of the girls wants an ambiance and another one of the girls doesn't know what ambiance means. Seriously). But the men do not give it up. No fire for you!

Until they wait for the boys to fall asleep and they go steal the fire. But the geniuses that stole it let the fire die in the middle of the night.

This is going to be a GREAT season!!

I don't want to judge people too quickly, but I can't stand Alicia. She reminds me of Natalie from BB11, and that's not a good thing.
So Sabrina looks in one tree stump and has already found the Hidden Immunity Idol... BUT it's only for the Manono tribe, and she must give it to one of their members before the first Tribal Council. She immediately says she'll probs give it to Country Club Colton, but we'll see if she follows through!

The first Immunity Challenge gets underway. It's a typical kind of obstacle course mess with a big bouncy net that leads to lots of fun, ridiculous crashes. None of them fall quite as gracefully as the trapeze people at the circus fall into their nets. But you win some, you lose some.

The mens are quick to get four across the balance beam and... Wait, WHAT? Someone's already injured?? What the Face?! Kourtney has "broken" her wrist, and they have to bring in medical. This is insane. They have to give her an x-ray and the challenge is over. Or is it?!

The men can take the win by forfeit, OR they can redo the challenge and give the women a chance to win the challenge.

So the men actually do the smart thing and take the win, much to the women's SHOCK and SURPRISE! WHY would you EVER do such a crazy thing?

One of the women put it very nicely, "They don't care... This is a no mercy game." Yes, maybe you've heard the title of the show. It's SURVIVOR. It would be pure insanity to not take the win when it is offered.

Back at camp, Sabrina gives Colton her Idol with hopes that he will work for her in the future. And Colton promises to take Matt down with it, using a line that he surely prepared before he got to the island for an occasion just like this, "We're gonna cut his throat faster than Taylor Swift will write a song about an ex-boyfriend."

The girls have to go to Tribal Council, and the obvious choice would be to ax Courtney, the girl who broke her wrist 5 minutes into the game. But despite this, Alicia pledges to call out... Oh, wait a second, Jeff just called her "A-lee-see-ah." I REALLY don't like her now... OK A-lee-see-ah pledges to call out Christina at Tribal, and she does, quite unnecessarily. Making a huge deal out of nothing and making everyone else hate her too.

Oh, DANG. Christina just goes, "Because you're WRONG. So SHUT UP." And Alicia responds that if they were in Chicago, she would punch Christina in the face. What on EARTH is happening here? There's a girl with a broken wrist! She's going home! Peace and blessings let's be done here.

And Jeff finally, mercifully reveals: Kourtney DID break her wrist, she IS going home, and no one else is. What a freaking let down. Thanks a lot, Kourtney. First episode and no vote at Tribal! Sheesh!

Still, it looks to be an amazing, ridiculous, dramatic season.

Let's see what's happening next week...

Jeff says the women fall apart, and Sabrina calls Colton a virus! Sounds perfect! Can't wait!

Who do you think will prevail in the end? Do the men vs. women "tribes" even matter, or will all the alliances be cross-tribal? Who do you love/hate?

See you next time!

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